In Another Life, Please Do Love Me

by: Alanoud H.A.

The poem | النص

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Listen, I don't use my words but I need you to listen, I have so many questions to ask, but I'm afraid I have a little time to receive the answers.

Do you see me? with all that's going on in your head, can you just see me for who I am?.

I'm sorry, I'll start again, with a simple questions, do u know how much I love the sky? The clouds uh, they have a magical power on my body, watching the sky makes me paralyzed, I say to myself " how lucky they are to be a cloud, sitting up there, far away from all this noise".

God! sometimes I really wish I were a cloud.

Do you know that my friends treat me like a bird? Such a wonderful people, keep reminding me "it's okay to take my space, they will wait for me to come back", they understand me, but why don't you mother?.

Everyone knows that distance and silence are my way to heal, even you, but I never understand, why do you keep crashing my space? And fighting with me when I'm that week to even move my body.

It's already hard to go through this by myself, please stop making it harder on me, mother

Dose my quit seems like a racket to you? I never shared with you even when there's so many words to say, not because I don't want to, but mother, I don't think you care enough about me to want to know me,

At least let me tell you, that I have a wonderful mind, full of amazing thoughts and creative ideas,

I told you once, don't start a war with me mother, because I'm not the enemy, you laughed, and said "I'll drag you to court' and then you said your full name with a proud tone, like the law will always stand with you because you're a mother.

How scary this is? To get away with things because you have a title.

Do you remember when you said to me" use social media, Twitter, write your story and ask for help, maybe you'll find it, I see lots of girls do that, you do it too"

I never looked at you the same again, you act as if it's not your job to protect me from a harmful husband, it's not your job at all.

I never in my life felt that disappointed and sad at the same time.

Still have so many things yet to say, but I will stop talking about you.

Even though you gave me your permission to speak, I'm not like that, I don't feel comfortable when I open up like this, but I promised myself I won't take this heaviness to my grave.

You always said to me "you don't talk at all about yourself", so I will do now.

I lived in this family feeling like a stranger, like I don't belong here, I learned how to hate myself in this family, I don't know how many times I wished to be died because of this family, depression, sadness and anger that's all that I received from this family.

Now I’m older, and I can't tell you how much I love myself, I'm a good person, with a kind heart, a wonderful mind and a brave soul.

People that I knew told me, how lucky you're mother to have a daughter like me

I know you've a soft heart, you been through a lot, they used your kindness for a bad things, I wish you were strong for yourself, then it will be easy to be strong for me.

Mother, I didn't ask to be here unloved, but here I'm, and if you're listening to this, it means that my chances to receive love from you is no longer there.

Mother,

I choose to respect you in this life, I'm kind with you, and I do you no harm, my words it's not supposed to make you uncomfortable, I just can't imaging leaving this world without you known what did you do to me.

So in another life, that is softer then this one, would you love me mother? cam you please give birth to me when you're ready to share your heart, your time, your tears, your sleep and your life with me?

And maybe you can treat me like a flower, every morning I will wait for you to say10 nice words to me so I can grow beautify, other times I really need to treat me like a bird give the freedom to go after my dreams and always have faith  that I will come home to you.

In another life, I will let you in, I want to laugh with you a lot, I want to hug you a lot, kiss you, go out with you, and show you my secret place, I want to run into your arms to hide every time this world hurts me.

In another life mother, please do love me, it would be the most beautiful, kind and magical thing you ever do to me, give me your love, I'll take care of it, never going to use it.

I still have one Last question to ask, mother, do you want me to say goodbye, while you have not said hello to me yet?