Spoken Poetry pt.2
(21)
Falling, that’s how I loved you, swiped me out of my feet, turned me to a child who keeps falling standing, I keep falling for you every time I glance your shadow, I keep falling back to you whenever the fear rules me to run, Immortality, Is something that I don’t believe in, but since you came to me I.. you didn’t change me, you left me up high that I now see the world clearly as it is, falling for you means I’m falling for life itself.
Alanoud H.A.
(22)
-Don’t look at me like that
: like what?
-as if you’re ready to do anything to have me.
Alanoud H.A.
(23)
I don’t hate myself, I hate the unhealed parts of me, I hate the fact I’m broken-hearted, I hate how sharp my edges could be when I don’t feel safe, I don’t hate my vulnerability, I hate that I have to cover it by strength, because people will never understand, it’s not a weak spot, I don’t hate life but I hate how it pass me by while I’m captured inside this wounds, I didn’t even create, I hate the unnecessary lessons that now has the power to steal every ounce of happiness I own.
Alanoud H.A.
(24)
Imagine to have a mother called Chemistry as Physics, a father that doesn’t dance when he feels happy, a brother who sees women as an object, a sister that doesn’t acknowledge life, or love, for that matter, and a beloved who don’t believe in what the stars have to say for us, imagine this to know how scary and lonely this world could be.
Alanoud H.A.
(25)
If I choose myself that means I choose you with me, relationships have been poisoned to the point choosing yourself means you’re selfish, NO! I’M NOT, losing me lead to losing so many memoires, it would be impossible to remember who are you when I don’t even know myself anymore.
Alanoud H.A.
(26)
Listen to me, you’re NOT wasting time. I know it’s hard to see those days are gone without doing anything similar to life, not making mistakes in your youth as you should be, and to stop feeling depressed in the most energetic time of your life, to see others in the same age as yours dancing while you’re here crying your soul out, listen carefully, it’s not your fault to be born here, and to have a family like this, you are NOT wasting time, you’re growing the wings that one day will fly you anywhere you want, and it’s near by, so don’t stop here.
Alanoud H.A.
(27)
I’m not sure about what I love, who I am, and the life I have been given, I’m not sure it’s mine, how they ignore that I’m losing my mind for their pressure to make me believe in something that I don’t believe in, it’s like no one realize it as I do, to rip out yourself by not seeking your soul’s voice, I know I’m right but some times I get exhausted from being certain about myself, other days feels like I could fall of the edge to insanity, I’m not sure about anything, but somehow I know that I don’t want to life them, a life without dreams or passion, a life that I have to choose others over myself, it’s not meant for me.
Alanoud H.A.
(28)
I’m not laying to you, I’m embarrassed, how could I tell you what I wanted the most didn’t happened to me, a family that I’m so lucky to have but in reality it doesn’t feel like that, why it’s so hard foe me to fit in, why should I do all the hard work when they have to do nothing to be in my heart, it’s hard to need someone who seems like it doesn’t need you at all, maybe, it’ll get batter as I get old, but for now, I know that I’m so tired to keep it for myself as I always do.
Alanoud H.A.
(29)
You make me feel happy, before you I had not idea my happiest day could be more joyful, I’m grateful for the minutes, hours, weeks we spent together, and for all the years that yet have to come
.كُل عامٍ وأنتِ هًنا معي، يملئًكِ الفرح، والحياة، والصحة
Alanoud H.A.
(30)
I'll always disappoint you if you want me to be someone elseو if you are not willing to understand and respect that creating my thoughts and beliefs does not hurt you but it benefits meو I'll make sure to disappoint you if you think your way to love God, Allah, the universe it's the only right wayو it's NOT! especially if your love full of fear not graceة if you don't really want who I am I'll always proudly disappoint you.
Alanoud H.A.
(31)
Am I that slow? cause when you give me your hand it’s like I’m counting to 10 until I reach back to you, your fast steps feel like it’s tired to slow down for me every time, dose the way I protect myself hurt you that much? do I make you lose your patience? to reveal a little part of me you have to do an amount of action to help me trust that you won’t hurt me, I know it’s hard to deal with me, to hold on to me when I’m trying my best to push you away, the walls of mine won’t let you overpass my test to make sure you’re worthy of me, it’s a long exhausting ride with me, but if you stay, I promise you it’s worth it, so please stay with me, fight for me.
Alanoud H.A.
(32)
I don’t want to be scared when you finally come to my life, I don’t want to question myself if I’m deserving of you or not, I don’t want to picture the end and see how hurt I’ll be when you leave, I want to control my fear to always open my eyes, see you’re standing right beside me all this time, I want to be brave for you as I’m to myself, I want to be bold to call you mine, to admit that it’s inevitable to fall for you, so.. no more running, no more questioning, not more anything bad. I prayed to be yours, now you simple came to me.
Alanoud H.A.
(33)
I hear her soft knock on my door, I opened it, our eyes met, “I want to hug you” she said, I felt warm so I hugged her, my body was bagging her to stay, but her body says goodbye, I fallowed her while she was running away from me. she’s trying so hard not to cry, I’m preventing myself from holding on to her, she is gone! now I wish I loved her more than I did.
Alanoud H.A.
(34)
Don’t you dare love me with your broken pieces and think you’re the best I can have, I’m not your savior, not going to fix you if you own no desire of growth, if you are not willing to take the first step to constrain your demons, why do you think I’m going to do that for you?
Alanoud H.A.
(35)
Times like this, I.. just wish I’m not this strong, to be clueless about what independent means, and to not feel heavy when someone takes care of me, times like this, I.. wish I didn’t have my back, instead trusting that someone else will.
Alanoud H.A.
(36)
I can’t stop thinking about that poor child, sitting alone in a room that makes him face his fears, with days the sun can not find its way in, and with no one to rely on, all this because he never had a good childhood, raised by parents that refused to say sorry when they cause pain, he’s where he’s right now, because he never had no one and not a good thing in his life, and he’s not the one to blame.
Alanoud H.A.
(37)
You.. saved me, from the suffocating water to a sky full of fresh air, from a place that have no peace, I was floating in, to a place that have a stable ground, I can feel my feet, I was hopeless, afraid, and ready for the darkness to swallow me, but you hold me, pulled me up to the light, I thought I’ll never see again.
Alanoud H.A.
(38)
I decided to stop, all that worrying got me nowhere, questioning myself, if my best version is enough for you, slowing down, stop thinking that I want to tell you everything, remembering, if it’s written you belong to me, you will be mine, and no one can stop that, having you in my life again, it seems more than enough to me right now.
Alanoud H.A.
(39)
I have to know, or I won’t do it, I need to know if everything will change, or I won’t put work now, if I’ll stay at the same place, then I won’t save myself. and let myself down a little longer but faster, I have to know, that I got options other than this, other than them, I need to know, that after this hell, there’s some kind of heaven, or I won’t fight for me now.
Alanoud H.A.
(40)
The way I see relationships feels different from others, because I believe relationships are easy, if you feel save then it’s easy to love that person, and when you love someone it’s easy to fight for, relationships they are easy, joyful, and healthy, if it’s not then they are not a real once, you don’t have to feel hurt to know how much feeling you have inside, and you already know that about me, it was easy to fall for you but now, it seems impossible, I have to leave, because loving you means that I have to lose me, fighting for you means that I have to stop fighting for myself and I can’t do that, so let me go in peace, knowing that I love you once, and I’ll do it again in another life, but not again in this one.
Alanoud H.A.
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